On Ancestors... the long view

For well over a decade I worked across from a lovely church in the Rhondda Cynon Taf Valleys and many a day I have heard the singing of those clustered in the church saying their good-byes to their loved ones. From my office I have watched with wonder as people have flocked on daily basis to bury their loved ones and seen hundreds tending the plots of family members. In the warm months I have walked the length and breadth of the vast cemetery taking in the silence, checking out the tombstones and skirting past the new beds. I have watched and smelt the smoke coming from the side building - the crematorium - and took an avid interest in the recent upgrading work and the resultant cleaner emissions. Touched by the visions, soundscape as well as the smells and daily burial practices, I have been constantly reminded of the life and daily manifestations of dying and death. I have also been constantly reminded that ancestor veneration - the practices and rituals of showing love and respect to the deceased - is alive and well in the UK.

My memories of the dying, death and bereavement practices and rituals are linked to early memories of growing up in small Caribbean Island. As such, it is

Since starting to read more about dying doula work, and

the art and practice of companioning, I find myself casting an eye towards the wall, and thinking about my ancestors. Now, the focus is more curious - who were they? How did they live? How did they die? Who am I to them? Are they guiding me? I don't have the answers to these questions but am set to use them to help me explore in more detail my links to them and to others who have passed on. What's more, in my family death has always been quietly spoken, and formally organised. On the other hand, dying is largely a more hushed affair. To explore one I must explore the other. I will keep you posted, but for now I will leave you with a quote my new mentor shared with me during our first session which lead me to this point:

ANCESTORS

If you could see your ancestors All standing in a row. Would you be proud of them or not Or don't you really know? Some strange discoveries are made in climbing family trees And some of them you know Do not particularly please. If you could see your ancestors All standing in a row. There are some of them perhaps; You wouldn't care to know. But theres another question Which requires a different view, If you could see your ancestors, Would they be proud of you.

Author: ANON