A Tribe called Quest: Finding useful resources and supportive spaces
- Roiyah Saltus
- Dec 28, 2023
- 6 min read
Updated: Jan 18, 2024
28th December 2023, 22:05 pm
I live in Wales. I remember when I first visited Cardiff and walked down Bute Street. I was leading a project exploring local archives and the links between their collections and Britain’s history and legacy of colonialism and empire. A no-brainer you would think. In many ways it was. However, the main push was to get archivists to look anew at their collections and see the links that were invariably there. On that first visit, the focus was also a visit to a local history and heritage centre. There I learned the history of Butetown as the first multiethnic and multicultural community in Europe, with strong links with Wales’s coal history and as a key point for generations of migrants and travelers of colour to visit and settle. It was here that the presence of people of colour in the UK was undeniable and pre- Windrush. As I walked down Bute Street admiring the beautiful and colorfully dressed Muslim women and the vitality and strength of the area, I felt a strong connection. Others like me had walked this street centuries before. Having lived in various towns and cities across Engand since I arrived in the UK in 1990, on the visit aluthin 2002, I felt I had finally, finally found my tribe.
I moved to Cardiff a year later and I have lived here ever since.
I want to be death doula. I remembers when I was introduced to a woman who described herself as a death doula back in 2016. As soon as she described her role, I knew. I can’t rationalize this feeling. I just knew that this was my quest. Since then I have been thinking, reflecting and seeking to learn. I have taken courses, attended webinars and spoken to people. I have discovered that this calling is ancient. There have always been many of us. I have discovered that I am part of a tribe, a family, a people who seek to walk alongside those who are dying.
Part of my Soul Companions training has been to seek out my tribe and to also explore organisations they tend to be linked to. What follows is an exploration of five ‘camps’ or online spaces full of resources to nourish and fuel this calling, this quest.
We all need support through the most challenging of life’s experiences. Only 5% of time spent living with a serious illness, dying and grieving is spent with healthcare professionals. We focus on the 95% of the time that we spend with our neighbours, colleagues, family and friends. We also support health and care professionals to recognise and embrace the power of community, transforming how care is given duringthese challenging times in people’s lives.
This space addresses one vitally important consideration: the need to place life events such as death in the hands of everyone. Death and dying are as much public health issues as they are community markers. With a focus on community and community assets, this space provides access to courses, blogs, conferences, webinars and other information.
At a Death Cafe people drink tea, eat cake and discuss death. Our aim is to increase awareness of death to help people make the most of their (finite) lives.
Deathcafe.com was one of the very first spaces I visited when I was just trying to find ways to talk about my yearning to become a death doula. At the early stage I had to ask myself – what was the drive? Could I do this work? Why did I want to do this work? Offering a global time table of spaces to meet people and talk about experiences of grief and loss is the aim of this space. The website offers blogs, art gallery spaces, links and quotes and – importantly – guidance on how to hold death cafes.
Dying Matters is a campaign run by the charity, Hospice UK. We work with organisations, decision makers and the public to make things better for people who are dying or grieving. Right now we don’t have the right language to talk about death. And this means that not everyone gets the support that suits them as they approach the end of life. We want to see a world where people live well until the very end.
I have written about the death-phobic culture of western society and the growing movement to make death a natural part of life in ways that allow people to talk about death and dying. In the UK, there are a number of campaigns that address this issue. Dyingmatters is one such campaign, promoted by Hospice UK. The website offers a range of resources to help people raise their death literacy skills and to also make plans for death.
Good Life, Good Death, Good Grief is part of the international Public Health Palliative Care movement, and we aim to contribute to and learn from international developments in the field.The work of GLGDGG has been heavily influenced by the ideas of Professor Allan Kellehear, and has taken inspiration from ‘Health Promoting Palliative Care’, ‘Compassionate Cities’ and ‘Compassionate Communities’ models. Most recently, our work programme has been shaped by the views of relevant stakeholders from across Scotland, as set out within our 2018 report A Road Less Lonely. Our work is guided by a community development approach – we aim to encourage and support individuals, communities and organisations to undertake the change they think needs to happen within their own communities.
So far, my death doula journey has at times been lonely. This space provides me with hope and with a sense that I am truly part of a growing international movement. The focus is on Scotland which is great. Living in another devolved nation, there are grounds of complementarity which I think are important. The space is more like a network, offering access to the compassionate communities agenda, various campaigns and ongoing projects, as well as to a wealth of resources. The links with Scottish policy in this field adds another layer of insight.
Of course I then had to search for my Welsh tribe and included here is compassionate Cymru, a space where you can find resources, contacts and news on what is taking place in Wales. There is an invitation to get involved, information about the history of the organization and key members of the team. As it reads at the front of their website: Compassionate Cymru works with individuals, organisations and communities to improve how people in Wales care, die and grieve.
We tend to think that dying is something horrible, something that we don’t wish to invite even in our thoughts. But it doesn’t work like that; quite the contrary. People who embrace the idea that they will die one day have a major advantage compared to those who try to deny the thought – they can prepare for the end before it comes. What we often fear in connection with dying is pain, loss of dignity and independence. But this is precisely what may come to pass when you leave your end-of-life choices and decisions to someone else, such as doctors or family members without ever telling them of your wishes.
This website provides narratives, topic guides and questions that help generate reflection and discussion. It is a simple, small space that provides a very useful section on frequently asked questions that cover the ‘whys and why nots’ of preparing for one’s death. Importantly, it also provides a template for people to record and share as they wish their end of life care and support plans.
Going with Grace is a death doula training and end-of-life planning organization that exists to support people as they answer the question, “What must I do to be at peace with myself so that I may live presently and die gracefully?”We work to improve and redefine the end-of-life experience for people rooted in every community using the individual lived experience as the foundation.
There is one more space that means a lot to me. This is where I found a black woman who is a death doula. Black like me. And yes, it matters. Having had to navigate the often-hostile world of modern Britain, representation matters. I have so often been the only woman of colour in professional spaces that I got used to it. I grew the additional layers of hardness to combat the particular manifestations of racialised mico aggressions you find in academia (i.e., ‘ are you a student?’, ‘this is only for staff’, and ‘where is Professor Saltus?’). Going with Grace is run by an African-American woman whose soul speaks to me.
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